Shouldn't that be enough

Easter is a day of big hope. It’s all going to be ok somehow. Eventually. Jesus fixed it. Just keep believing.

But I don’t believe that anymore. I don’t have big hope. That hope appears to be an illusion, wish-casting, cope. I understand the desire to say that it’s all going to be ok. I get it. I feel it. But I’m trying to live in reality now. In reality, anything can happen.

Small hope, on the other hand, is everywhere. I experience it daily. I look for it. I notice it. I note it. I receive it. I try to give it.

My daughter, Luciana, is 13. She’s been playing piano for about five years. Over the last year, it all started to click for her. It started with Rihanna’s “Stay.” She learned it in a few days. There is nothing quite like listening to your child play and sing a beautiful song.

Luci sang in the spring recital last year. I shared it here. It was a beautiful moment. This year, she wanted to play piano and sing. She chose the song “All I Want” from High School Musical: The Musical: The Series. It’s a powerful song.

Luci sat down at the keyboard. My heart was pounding. Something was wrong. The keyboard wasn’t working. For what seemed like an eternity, they looked at cords and buttons. My heart raced. That’s a lot of anxiety for a 13-year-old to hold.

But people cheered and encouraged her. The audience, a collection of middle school parents and loved ones, wanted her to succeed. The room was electric with anticipation. And finally, it was all ready (kind of).

I was sitting with my family. Luci’s mom’s family was right behind us. I won’t tell how it went. You can listen for yourself. As I listened to the recording that I took, I was moved by Luci’s performance, of course, but I was equally moved by all the ways that I could hear people offer support and love.

There’s a line in the song that I can’t stop thinking about as I embrace small hope, and leave behind big hope.

“But shouldn't that be enough for me?”

Here’s Luci’s performance.

Lyrics

I found a guy, told me I was a star
He held the door held my hand in the dark
And he’s perfect on paper but he’s lying to my face
Does he think that I’m the kinda girl who needs to be saved?

And there’s one more boy, he’s from my past
We fell in love but it didn’t last
‘Cause the second I figure it out he pushes me away
And I won’t fight for love if you won’t meet me halfway
And I say that I’m through but this song’s still for you

All I want is love that lasts
Is all I want too much to ask?
Is it something wrong with me?
All I want is a good guy
Are my expectations far too high?
Try my best but what can I say
All I have is myself at the end of the day
But shouldn’t that be enough for me?
Ooh ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh

And I miss the days
When I was young and naive
I thought the perfect guy would come and find me
Now happy ever after it don’t come so easily

All I want is love that lasts
Is all I want too much to ask?
Is it something wrong with me? Oh
All I want is a good guy
Are my expectations far too high?
Try my best but what can I say
All I have is myself at the end of the day
And all I want is for that to be okay